A flourish, and now a break

I realize it’s been a few days since my last post.

The combination of work, school and dance has taken it’s toll lately.

Not that I’ve minded the dance part. I’ve had ballet classes the last three days, and one Cinderella rehearsal. Hard to believe we are three weeks away from taking the stage.

Thursday officially started spring break from school. We don’t return again until March 31st. The ballet school is officially closed after today until then, too. But we’re told they may hold an unscheduled open class or two (I’m hoping), but rehearsals won’t resume until the 30th.

I still have to work. I intended to take the week for vacation. Then I got cast in Cinderella, so I saved the vacation days for tech week.

Mentally, I’m ready for the break. Stressing about graphic design projects in addition to working a stressful job takes its toll. Dancing cuts down on the stress, but because of my school schedule, the number of classes I’ve been able to take has been cut back a bit.

I have two graphic design projects coming up. One is in my combined graphic design-water color class (the photo is from a previous project that probably says a lot about me, since I used to write, I dance and I design). I have another complicated project in my web animation class (it’s where you learn Pixar-type skills). I’m happy to get a break.

Dance-wise, I’ve gone through a period of ups and downs emotionally. I’m totally digging the school sketch dance I’m in. It’s the one where I think I can prove to myself that I can somewhat dance. It’s got a lot of fun combinations in it.

And I have my Cinderella part pretty much down. But I had one of those moments last night that I often fight.

My character only has a few dance steps, and is only in Act I.

There is an older, former company dancer, a somewhat strange guy who plays the dressmaker to my hair dresser. He is also in Act 2, in a cool waltz scene. And I’m somewhat jealous. I’ve always thought of myself as a better overall dancer, but his turns blow mine away.

So doubt crept in. Maybe Mr. O cast him for that role because he didn’t think I could dance as well? Yeah, that’s my lack of confidence talking.

I beat myself up over it last night.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my part. I’m looking forward to being in Cinderella. And I’ve gotten more of my share of good roles, more than most adult recreational dancers. And for the most part. I’m content. But still, I got pretty down on myself.

But then I went to Mrs. O’s class this morning, a fun, full-out class without the stress of a rehearsal. There were a few complicated combinations.

It turned out to be one of my better classes in a while.

Yes, my pirouettes still sucked. But my jetes during petite allegro were cleaner. So were my brises and assembles’.

And I nailed the grande allegro combination that was pretty tricky. I had a hallelujah moment with sissonne ouverts (misspelled?) and three changes in direction with fouettes (another hallelujah moment). And I was on time with the music.

I left class thinking maybe I can halfway dance.Image

4 responses to “A flourish, and now a break

  • The Dancing Rider

    Is this art yours? I like it.

    Read your entry with great interest. I know I’ve been there in terms of those feelings of being down on myself in similar circumstances. I know that uncontrollable jealousy that crops up at times like those. You just can’t help it! I think those feelings come from many places. For me, one of those places is wanting to excel for oneself, and be “real” in one’s activity — whether that be dance, figure skating, or riding.

    And when someone else gets lots of praise in front of you, or when someone else seemingly gets chosen for something you thought you could do? It’s a natural reaction. I appreciate your honesty. In the face of this, I know you will absolutely OWN your role. šŸ™‚

    Considering your schedule, I’m amazed that you can do as much as you do with ballet. It is clear that you love it.

    But then you had that good class! YAY! And at least two of those moments where you knew you were nailing it. šŸ™‚ Don’t those times must make it all worth it?! You can dance! And a lot more than halfway!

  • RO

    Haha this must have been an awesome feeling!
    Enjoy your holiday, make sure you get some rest, physically as well as mentally. Busy days ahead!! šŸ™‚

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